Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Turkeys of Redbridge

If you build it they will come.
First, let me start off by apologizing for yesterdays post. Freaking lame. Lamer than lame, man. Forget it ever existed. Amen.
We now return you to the regularly scheduled blog post.

So, many of you know that my husband is a pig farmer. You may also remember that for some crazy reason he's decided to become a turkey farmer too. And about a month and a half ago (MAY 15TH TO BE EXACT)I was sent to the post office to pick up 20 baby turkey chicks in box no bigger than a shoe box. Oh! how the children squealed with glee when we spilled them out into the small cage Pete had built in our garage!

And I will admit, though not thrilled with the idea from the beginning, they were pretty darn cute.

Two or three weeks at the most, I was told. Then they will go to the ranch. Um. That was May 15th and it's what? Almost July flippin' 3rd. HELLO!?
Yeah. Let's just say the turkeys are not so cute anymore. Not at all. I've told you all my disgust for them here before. And, the disgust grows more and more each and every day. Lets take a look at what the turkeys look like now:

Good. Lord. Do you see those freakishly beady eyes? Gah. They're just waiting to peck me to death, I'm sure of it. Here's a side by side so you can see just how big these mofo's have really gotten:

Good. Lord. They're the fastest growing being I've ever lay eyes on.
You know, if it wasn't for the fact that they freaking stink like nothing I've ever smelt before (I'd take a poopy diaper any day), or the fact that I have to feed and water them 3 or 4 times a day, it might not be so bad. I might not hate them that much. Take a look at this:

These are two of the water thingyies before I put fresh water in them. Do you see all that nasty stuff in there? That would be a mixture of water, turkey food, shavings and POOP. Dude, seriously. This picture is tame. Usually there is a large blob (or two, or three) of POOP right on the top of these things and is slimes down the side of it. I'm really not that much of a girly-girl, but seriously! Ewww! Three or four times a day.
Oh! and do you see that fly on the edge of the big water thingamajig? Now, close your eyes and imagine that one fly multiplied by six hundred fifty three thousand and one, and you will see the amount of flies there are in my garage my. house. If you build it they will come. The flies have come. Oh my, have they ever. I think that might just be the worst part of this whole thing.
Anyway. So, The Turkeys of Redbridge....Let me explain the title.
Redbridge is the name of our neighborhood/community. I've put up an ultimatum. The turkeys have over stayed their welcome. Pete has assured me that they will be out of here THIS weekend. And I told him, if they're not I will let them go. And they will become the Turkeys of Redbridge. He doesn't believe me. He doesn't think I'll really do it. He obviously has no idea what I'm capable of. I'm joking. Sort of. Not really. I don't know. But lets see if those stinky turkeys are still here on Monday.
The end.


camport said...

LOL over every word of this entire post. Mofo's...lmbo.

I think you should let one loose tomorrow, just so Pete takes you seriously. Tell him in honor of Freedom, you decided to give one little turkey his{freedom, that is}. Maybe make him a turkey sandwich and just stare at him while he eats it, give a little giggle and make him wonder if he happens to be nibbling on one of his own. hee hee oh the fun you could have!

Hope you have a happy 4th!


nicole said...

was lol about your really lol about chrissy's comment - think the turkey sandwich is a funny idea!
I really hope for your sake those turkeys are gone soon.

Melissa said...

oh my....laughing the entire time. but, i agree. a BIG TURKEY sandwich for lunch and TURKEY for dinner might help. make him think one really is gone :)

hoping that they are gone by monday..

Kimberly White said...

Hoping they are at their new home today! LOL! They sure aren't cute anymore! Kim