Life full of creative Sunshine.

I don't think I could ever home school. In fact, I don't think I could ever be a teacher at all. It's funny because for many, many years that's all I ever thought about doing. In fact I was a teacher for 5 years. I taught preschool, pre-K class for 5 years. Mostly preschool was about social skills, but there were plenty of early fundamentals in there such as the ABC's and 123's. Even in the pre-K with early math skills. I have 2 red blocks and 1 yellow block, I have 3 blocks....that sort of thing.

So........why can't I teach these things to my own kid? Why doesn't he get it?

I already know the answers. Because he IS my own kid. Because I have NO patience what so ever. Because school is starting very soon and I'm starting to feel the pressure of him at least knowing the effing alphabet....and to at least count to 20 without assistance. Gah! is that asking too much? Oh, he can say the alphabet--no problem. AND he can even write it pretty well too. But out of 26 letters, he maybe recognizes 12 of them--on a good day.

We have flash cards and I've been going heavy on the flashing lately. A-B-C no problem, he's got those both upper and lower case. We get to D and he starts staring off into space. This is were the train starts de-railing right here. "uhhhhhh.....(gulp).....O?" he says. I give him a little bit of a break because it does sort of look like an O. Sorta. I show him the Duck "Deeee....duh, duh, Deeeee. D is for duck." I say. "Deeee, ok mommy D." I show him the E card with the elephant. *silence* "uhhhhhhhh......."

And here's where my train completely de-rails.

"E!! Eeeeeee!! El-e-phant! Eeee!"

I mean, it's in his name for pete's sake! He knows how to spell his name, so why can't he recognize E? or e?

Deep breath.

Count to 10.

Another deep breath. *whew*

Lets start again..

A----"A"

B----"B"

C----"C"

D-------------"uhhhhhhh O? nO! not O uh...."

Duh, duh...dd........................."duh"?

no! Deeeeee! Deeee

"Oh yeah D!"

Next letter.

E----------*crickets*

And so the cycle continues.

*Let me just add in here that I don't JUST do flash cards with him. I still have lots of stuff from my teaching days. I've give him pre-K type worksheets and as long has he's paying attention and I give him clear directions as to what to do, he never has a problem. He loves to play matching games and counting games and LOVES the pre-K worksheets. He'd do a whole book of them in an afternoon if I let him. Flash cards are like an oral exam. He gets all freaky and feels the pressure. I can't blame him. It's just that I, personally, think he should be able to recognize most of the letters by now*

I realize how horrible this post makes me sound. I realize it's completely obvious I have no patience. I realize that I'm probably approaching this all wrong. I realize I'm not cut out for teaching.

I'm just nervous. I'm feelin the pressure, man. School starts in a month and kindergarten is much different than it was 25 years ago (holy crap!) You're expected to like, know stuff now ya know? I also have a niece and nephew that have been held back at this school. Two kids who seem perfectly normal and smart and capable to me and yet, they've repeated grades. I think that is what is actually fueling my paranoia. I know he hasn't even started yet, but I don't want him held back! I also have a kid who will actually still be 4 when he starts kindergarten. And I know that boys tend to just be a little on the slower side anyway.

He's such a great kid. And smart as a whip. The dude remembers everything. (except the alphabet ha ha)

I just want him to succeed.

I really think he will.

I want to at least give him some weapons before I send him off to war. If that makes sense.

I'm sure I'll get the don't worry, he'll do fine comments. And, you're probably right. I just can't help the way I feel. Can't help my lack of patience (I'm a redhead-it's inbred in me) or my frustrations.

Tomorrow I'm going to:

lay off the flash cards

Run errands early and maybe stop at the park

Go to the pool

Not think about the alphabet! HA!