Friday, March 25, 2011

Up and down.

This post is all over the place. Bear with me.
Last week I was so chatty and this week I haven't posted at all. Hm. Well, I'll admit, I'm not in the best of moods. My kids are particularly driving me nuts today. Even though they aren't even being bad. They're just And I guess for some reason that is just too much for me today.
Maybe it's all this rain. I hate to be a whinny cry-baby, but oh my goodness will it ever stop raining??? My neighbor and I took the kids to this science museum thingy over in Berkeley yesterday. It was pouring rain. No--dumping buckets of rain and blowing 65mph winds. We were drenched and looked like drowned cats by the time we walked the 100 feet from the car to the front door of the place. It was in-sane! And it's been doing this for weeks upon weeks. ugh.
Ok I'll stop now. We did manage to have fun at the science place. So it wasn't all bad.
Last night I got a call from my step-sister. I'm getting to the point when I see either one of their names pop up on my cell phone that my stomach goes in knots and I sort of just want to ignore it, but if I do I'll really regret it. Because pretty much the reason the call me is to tell me status on my dad. And usually it's not good. So dad had to go back into the hospital last night. He's got pneumonia again. And who knows what else. It's just so frustrating. We were there a week ago today and he was looking and feeling so much better. I talked to him just two days ago and he sounded great and said that he's feeling better every day. And then I get this call that he's being admitted again. And it's like?? What?? Things change overnight and it's so overwhelming at times. This constant up and down roller coaster of emotions. And if I'm feeling this way?? Then I can not even imagine what he is feeling. He tries to be so strong. He doesn't want me to worry. He always says "I'm doin' alright". Even though I can hear it in his voice that he's not. And it tears me up because.....what can I do? I just want to fix it and I can't. I don't even know what to say. I hope you feel better just doesn't seem like enough. duh! Sometimes I have a hard time with words and this situation is just proving it to be true even more. I just don't even know what to say or what to do. I try to just have faith. But then when he gets knocked down again, my faith gets knocked down too. I just want him to be better. I'm begging God to just make him better. Because I can't even fathom the other.
On a lighter note....
We got the results of some of the standardized testing Jake has to do because we're still technically "public schooling" through a charter. Anyway, the K-3 grade students have to take the WRAT test in the fall and then again in the spring. I'm not a fan of standard tests, but this one is pretty basic. It is simply to see what grade level they're at in reading and math and the progress they have made through out the year. So when Jake took this at our first meeting with our teacher way back in August, I'm embarrassed to say how horrible he did. In his defense, he'd never done anything like it before and he'd never even met the teacher either so it was awkward. But still. He scored even lower than I had expected. I knew 1st grade in public school was pretty bad...but it might as well been a wash out. He scored below grade level in everything. BUT we got the results of the spring test on Tuesday and I am so pleased to say he's at a 3.5 grade level in everything. Third and a half grade! Holy Heck! I am so proud of him and I have to say that I am pleased with myself too. Cause I'm his teacher and all. :) At least now I know I'm doing something right! He has STAR testing next week. That's the state standardized one. I'm not looking forward to it because this one is just a bunch of BS that school teachers spend half the year training their students to take so they look good. Or good enough. We have 6 more official weeks of school and then we're done for the summer! Lets just hope the weather starts feeling a little more spring like.


Jude said...

sorry about your dad :(
praying for him...

Brown English Muffin said...

My heart was just bleeding for you as I read this post....I'll say a little prayer for him.