How are ya? It's a 3 day weekend you know! That's good thing. I've had a real crappy week at work. The glitter has worn off....not that there ever really was any glitter, but you get the point. It's been just over a month since I've been back to work. It was hard at first, yes, to come back. But after a week or two things just sort of seemed to fall into place in a regular routine. Things around the office were a little weird at times, but I was able to just sluff it off and move on. I really think in the back of my mind I thought this was all temporary and I was going to wake up from this dream and everything would be back to normal. i.e.: me back at home being a mommy etc... Well, I guess reality has settled in. For now this is it. I have to work. I have to be here. I have to deal with all these F-ing crazy people every single day. (please excuse the Fing...I'm usually not like that, but I'm kind of in a mood) I have to deal with the micro-management, the technology that doesn't work. I swear these people just sit in there big corner offices just thinking of new ways to screw with us.
I miss my kids. I miss going on walks with them. I miss going to the park. I miss hanging out with the other mommies. I miss messing around on the Internet all day! LOL! I miss Jake's little smart mouth, I miss cleaning up the same things over and over and over again. I miss Megan's cute little smile, and when she giggles at me. I miss nap time! I miss them so much that it brings me to tears just typing this. I have a ton of pictures of them all around my tiny little 3x4 cubicle. I miss them so much that I almost want to take the pictures down so they don't make me sad. That's terrible isn't it?
I hate the way this job makes me be. It really does make me act like a different person. I hate that. It makes me want to say the F word like every five minutes. It makes me cheat. Yes cheat. I have certain responsibilities in my job that I have to do correctly, but there is so much pressure just to get the job done that you cheat just to get it done. You find any way you can to get around the crap and get it done. I'd much rather do my job the right way even if it meant going slower. But it's all about the numbers here. They say it's not, but it SOOO is. If you're too slow, you suck basically. None of this sounds very Christian to me....does it to you? That's what makes me so mad. I have kind of a hot temper sometimes (it's the red hair!) but I don't like being like that. This job makes me get so frustrated and hot tempered all the time.
*sigh* But this is just my reality right now. I just have to face it. There's not a whole lot I can do about it. I just hope at some point I'll be able to be home with them. Hopefully if Pete's ranch really works out we should be comfortable enough for me to stay home. I can not wait for that day.
I'm hoping this 3 day weekend will be good. It will be busy, I know that. We've got a birthday party tomorrow and a wedding on Sunday. I have to make pasta salad for 200 people tomorrow (for the wedding)...what the heck was I thinking? LOL!! On Monday our friends want to get together for lunch or dinner or something like that. So I guess there will be no down time, but at least I'll be with family. And that's alright with me. :)
Ok well my 30 minute lunch period is up, so before I get in trouble again, I better go. Yep, got in trouble yesterday for taking 10 minutes over my scheduled lunch. I LOVE IT HERE. Stupid effers. See what I mean? the F word again. Bad. LOL!!
Have a good weekend...