Sunday, July 08, 2007

Where, oh where have I been?

Settle in, get a snack...this might be a long one....
So, where have I been? Well, nowhere interesting. Why did I take a break? Well, I thought if I posted one more time about how boring my job all might just think I was crazy. I went back and read some of my older posts and I just thought, wow...I sound so negative. I sound like I'm not a happy person. It just wasn't good. Because really, I AM a happy person. I really am. I was digging through some old stuff and found my journal from 12th grade English class. Dude, seriously, I was like Dang, do I EVER have anything positive to say? I remember my senior year being one of the best of my life...yet there in the journal it sounded like it was horrible. I talked about how bored I was all the time. (Sound familiar!?? ha ha ha!) But I realized something...that's just how I am. I've always used writing as a way of venting. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I tend to bottle up everything inside and let it out here. So anyways, I just needed a break. I needed to just hang out and enjoy life. I needed to relish in the positive and good. I spent time thinking, thinking, thinking. I'm an only child. Only children are great thinkers! I spent time reading, and scouring the Internet for creative inspiration, cuz that's kind of been a no-go lately too. I tried my hand at some art cards. I really liked my first one, but uh after that one I just couldn't do any more. We had BBQ last weekend and hung out with good friends. (here's Pete with his mouth wide open and a farmers tan. And Megan center stage on the table) We haven't done that in forever. It was really fun. On Wednesday (4th of July) it was just us. Just me and Pete and the kids. And that was really fun too. We just hung out and enjoyed the company of each other. It took some coaxing, but I finally got Pete to go up to the pool. (There's Jake with his silly floatation device that does absolutely nothing....especially since he will hardly get in the water!)We just had fun. Together.

And then there's me... (not bad, eh? I've lost about 15 pounds since January. Yeah for me!)

I've been thinking of my upcoming birthday. Yes it's the big 3-0. Dude, I have no idea what my problem is, but I can't even say it out loud. I can't even write it. One of my good friends had her birthday in January and it was like I could barley wish her a happy birthday. That is horrible isn't it? How selfish am I? Jeez. But in my mind it was like if I acknowledged that SHE was 30 then I had to accept the fact that I too was going to be 30. I certainly don't want to be 20 again. That is for sure. It was a fun time then, but I'm over it. I'd take 25 in a heart beat I suppose, or 26 because I was a mommy by then. And surely, I wouldn't give that up for anything. I've been married for 7 years. I've owned 2 houses, and I have a good job. I've been an adult for quite a while. But for some reason 30 seems like the point of no return. It's like once you hit 30 that's it. You have to be responsible and be a real grown up. At least that's what my head thinks. I know in my heart it doesn't really matter. I'm a firm believer in "you're only as old as you feel". And I don't feel much older than say...... 26 :o) I've been thinking of what's to come in the next 10 years. And I've decided that my 30's are really going to be great. I have 2 little kids that are going to grow up to be teenagers in the next 10 years. I remember how much I loved being a kid and I totally have that to look forward to with my kids. I've got little league, and soccer and ballet and piano lessons; summer vacations, kindergarten, and school plays all to look forward to. The last few years have been tough. You know, car seats and strollers and bottles and diapers. That's all about to go away. Yes, I've enjoyed it all but I feel like there's a whole new beginning out there waiting. So, I've accepted it. 25 days from now I will celebrate happily, the first anniversary of my 29th birthday!
Anyways, I need to get to bed. So more later I suppose.
Here's to enjoying life!


camport said...

Good for you, enjoying life! I know how you feel about the venting, but I've never looked at you as a negative person, but as a person who needed to vent.

Blogging is just another way of talking with your friends. And what better way to vent than where you can go back and re-evaluate and laugh at the situation once it's all resolved.

Congrats on the 15 lbs, you look GREAT! You really ought to post pictures more often{espeically of you and Pete!}

Here's to you and the next 25 days of 29-ness.


nicole said...

Glad to see your back Corey..and that you had a good break!
Had to laugh when you were talking about reading an old journal...just got mine this weekend from my mom from 1991 - very funny, yet slightly scary too - especially when I remember my own kids will be 13 one day too :)
And congrats on the 15 pounds - that is great!! Still working on my last 10 from William.

Jude said...

Look at you... looking great ans sooooo not about to turn thirty in that new picture! I laugh when I read my old journals. especially the ones where when we were first married and I say things lilke "gosh, I don't want to be like, 26 when I have my first kid!" AS if 26 was OLD!! HA!!!

Melissa said...

Way to go enjoying life. We all need breaks from time to time.

I did the 30 year thing last year. I felt that I was so old, but now I realize, like you, I have so much still to look forward to with Tanner. It's going to be a fun 10 years for sure!

And way to go on that 15 pounds...that is awesome!!