Friday, August 08, 2008

It's called 'Anger Management', you fat cow!

A true story filled with irony
So, last night my dad came and got Jake to take back to his house for the weekend...well until Saturday anyway. I practically cried as they drove away. My dad lives about 2 hours away so it's not like I can just run and get him if he needs me. This is the first time he's been so far away from home without me or Pete. Pete and I both had a little moment as we walked passed his bedroom last night only to find Jake's bed empty. Pete even said "it's kind of sad he's not here". But don't tell him I told you that.
I get up this morning less one child and I just can't think of one place to go or one thing to do, so Megan and I just kind of veg out all morning. We play dolls and watch a little Nemo and eat a little breakfast. Next thing I know it's like 11:30. So we hop in the car to drive into town to get some food for the turkeys and I needed some milk and coffee creamer. Off we go.
Our neighborhood is kind of situated off the beaten path in that it's not really in town and it's surrounded by farm land. It's not unusual to be stuck behind a tractor or a hay truck. Today was no exception. I pull out from our neighborhood only to be stuck behind a very big, very slow tractor. No big deal. I'm not in any hurry. When the opportunity arises, I go ahead and pass the tractor. I look in my rear view mirror, as any good driver should, to make sure I have safely passed the tractor and I have plenty of room to move back into the correct lane. I look back and see this white car flying up on my tail and sneaks in between me and the tractor. She's so close I can barely see her bumper, but I really don't give any other thought to it, other than "jeez, you really seem to be in a hurry lady." Anyway I pull up to an intersection where I plan on making a right hand turn. This is one of those intersections that cars turning right have a yield sign. Let me make this perfectly clear : Yield does not give you the right to go. Yield means 'proceed with caution'. Am I right? I thought so. I pull up into the right hand turn lane and slow way down, almost to a stop because there is someone making a left hand turn into the lane I was going into. That guy had a green light. That guy had the right of way. Correct? Correct.
So, just as I'm about to pull forward, there is a blaring HONK from behind me. I look in the rear view and see the white car. I'm kind irritated now, so of course I flip my arm up in the mirror at her in like a "whatever!" kind of way and proceed on my way. White Car Lady proceeds to fly around me and slow down just enough to give me the evil eye as she passes by. Again--what ever. The moment is over, I'm going on with my life now. We drive a few blocks up to another intersection. I'm right behind White Car Lady in the left hand turn lane. She has a vanity plate that says " High Prize". Of course it's not spelled that way, but I can't remember how it was spelled. Anyway as we sat there waiting at the red light, I of course, started talking to myself wondering what exactly was the high prize. Was it the driver? No, couldn't be. Was it the car? Possibly, but again, I'm going to have to go with no. The light turns green and wouldn't you know it...White Car Lady and I are both turning into the same shopping center/gas station. I see she's going one way and I turned the other and well that was that. Wrong. I'm in line waiting for a gas pump and I'd just about forgotten all about White Car Lady, when all of a sudden White Car Lady comes racing around from the left, her window rolled down (mine was too by the way) and yells out to me:
"It's called Anger Management you FAT COW!!!"
And then she peeled out and went on her merry way.
This, of course, sent me on fits of hysterical laughter. I mean seriously??!!....Are you sure I'm the one who needs Anger Management? And Fat Cow?? I'm not exactly skinny or even thin, but I'm pretty sure I don't quite fall into the fat cow category yet. I could hardly contain myself at the hilarity of it all as I watched my life savings drip away into my gas tank.
Oh and here's the best part....
As if the whole "Anger Management" statement wasn't ironic enough....
After I filled my tank, I drove through the shopping center down to the market so I could run in and get the milk and coffee creamer and lo and behold...there's the "high prize" car parked and here comes the crazy lady out of the store carrying the largest Jamba Juice you can order and what appeared to be a box of doughnuts.
Oh the irony of it all.
Obviously this person was probably just having a bad day. And yes, I'm mocking her a little here. But Lord knows I've had my bad days and drowned my sorrows in a bowl full of frosting a time or two.
I can not wait for tomorrow. Saturday can not come quick enough. I miss my little man. :(


camport said...

It's times like that I wish I had rocket blasters attached to the ole mini. Or like an old Al Bundy car with no insurance and you could just ram her and drive away.

Hope all goes well with Jakes overnighter!


beth said...

that's pure craziness.
if only there would be a camera man there to capture it.

Kimberly White said...

Lol! HILARIOUS! I love reading your stories Corey! Man ... I wish all of us UNPUBBED girls lived on the same street (or the same town ...) So glad for you that it's saturday! Hope it's a great one!

Melissa said...

man, what a story. some people just don't get it...

at least now it's sunday and jake is home with you!

Jude said...

man, i had a lady follow me last year because she thought I cut her off, she kept gettign out at every light challenging me to do so as well... I kind of wish I would have jsut to see the look on her face when a lady in full state of knockedupedness hauled herself out... LOL. I just stayed put laughing at her... crazy! I am proud of you for resisting the urge to hollar back at her... I mean, a litte "hey, elsie, enjoy your donuts!" would have wanted to escape my lips for sure! LOL.

Cheryl Wray said...

That is SO funny...the funniest thing is that you kept running into her wherever you went.

I love your attitude!!