Heaven and Hell all at the same time

Wow, I haven't posted here in a while...First off, Christmas was really nice. This was the first year in about 3 that I haven't come home feeling completely overwhelmed by the amount of STUFF Jake received. Santa did great this year...really good toys that he really enjoys...Megan got some good baby stuff too..and again, not too much..just right! Christmas is always such a crazy time for us. We always have 3 places to go...My dad's, my mom's and then Pete's family. It really is fun, but a little overwhelming at times. This year because of the hecticness of it all, we ended up missing out on 2 Christmas dinners...We left mom's too early to enjoy turkey there, and arrived at Pete's mom's house too late to enjoy honey baked ham. Go figure.
So back to my title...Heaven and Hell. Well that's what the last 4, but especially the last 2 months have been. Heaven because I've got be home with my 2 beautiful kids...got to experience being a stay at home mom. I have loved every minute of it and I would not trade it for anything. But it's been Hell too. These last 2 months have been extremely difficult financially. We've had to pinch every penny possible (and then some). And then right when you think things couldn't get any worse..... Bam! Something else throws you for a loop. I don't want to whine, or to make anyone feel sorry for me...I'm really just venting here. It really has been Hellacious. Hell also because it's all ending here very soon. I have to go back to work in a week. We need me to go back to work. We needed me to go back 2 months ago....but *OH* I am dreading it! I am seriously freaking out about it. In fact just writing this, is making me want to stop, so I don't have to think about it anymore. It was hard when I went back to work after having Jake...but this time feels 10 times worse. I don't know what it is. Maybe because with Jake I didn't really know what I'd be missing...or maybe it was a relief in a way...you know to have some sort of normalcy after my "life" being rocked by this little being I was now responsible for. What I wouldn't give to be here...at home...being a mommy, listening to all the back talk, whining, crying and poopy diapers, and then the hugs, kisses, smiles and baby coos all day long. But I guess it's back to reality. Back to getting up at 5am. Back to hour long commutes. Back to actually getting dressed! Pajama's are clothes...you can not disagree with that!

Haven't blogged in a while...

Nothing new to report I guess. Can't believe Christmas is in less than a week! Jake is totally excited. He seems to really get it this year. He is such a cute kid...he really is good. He really loves his sister. She's really starting to respond to him and he just digs it. The other day he's laying on the floor, holding her head ever so gently in his hands and just making all sorts of silly sounds. She thought it was so funny and was totally giggling at him. I just sat back and watched it was just so dang cute! I couldn't ask for him to be any better with her. He doesn't even flinch if I ask him to help me, like to go get a diaper or something. He just says "ok" and does it. When I was pregnant I had fears of him feeling threatened by her and hating her...not wanting anything to do with her. He's not like that at all, he totally loves her. He does occasionally tell me to put her back in my tummy though! LOL! This picture was my attempt of taking some cute holiday shots with Christmas lights. I took a ton of pictures but none of them really turned out too well. Megan was wayyy into to the lights though. It was all I could do to get her to look at me. She mostly had her head down, staring at them.

So, I attempted to make fudge again today....Not having much luck with the peanut butter fudge. I found a recipe today for easy peanut butter fudge...it was really easy, but turned out really crumbly and super sweet...I mean you need like a whole gallon of milk for this stuff. I made plain old chocolate fudge too. That turned out way better. I guess I'm not much of a candy maker though. I think I'll stick to making cookies.

Gearing up for some major busy days coming up...Tomorrow I'm meeting my friend Kathleen for some last minute shopping, then I've got to come home and start wrapping presents. I'm not a good wrapper...don't have the patience for it! Then on Friday we have services for our Pastor, Earnest Hawtin. He passed away this last Saturday. He was 95 years old in September. We recently celebrated his birthday and his 60th anniversary with his wife. What an amazing life. Saturday doesn't look like too much is going on so I'll probably be spending most of the day wrapping presents and getting ready for the big day on Sunday. Sunday we'll go to my dad's, then to mom's and spend the night, do our Christmas thing there, then we'll probably end up at Pete's mom and dad's for our Christmas thing with that side of the family. This time of year is always so busy and stressful for us...luckily I'm not working right now, it would be even more stressful because I really wouldn't have time for any of this stuff!

Anyways, this is gone on long enough...kind of a boring post...

So, I just looked at my Blogger profile and it said I was a 250 year old male. Huh. I don't think so. I have no idea how that happened but I fixed it now. Maybe I should have left it that way? It's kind of funny. So, I tried my peanut butter fudge the other day. uhhh didn't turn out so well! I don't have a candy thermometer, so I took the expert advice of my mother and did it the old school way by dropping some of the hot sugar mixture into water. Says she: "if it forms a ball and stays a ball but it soft to the touch, it's ready". (Or something like that) Hummm well, I have nothing that even resembles fudge. It's more like peanut butter carmel sauce...and a whole lot of it! (it was a whole 9 x 13 dish of it! What the heck was I thinking???) Now, I'm not really blaming my mother for my misshap....I'm the one who decided to go at it without the candy thermometer....and I did get a little nervous when the sugar really started boiling. I thought it was going to boil over and make a huge mess. So I took it off the heat. It was totally my fault. But the good mommy I have is sending me a candy thermometer! I guess I'll try it again. Every year I have these great asperations of making great holiday treats (like I'm Martha Stewart or something) and every year something like this happens. Stuff just doesn't turn out the way I planned! I always, always try and make pretty decorated sugar cookies...you know just like on the cover of Martha's magazine...They never turn out. I've completely given up on that one this year. I had to face it...I don't like rolling out dough, I don't have the patience to decorate nicely, and I really don't even like sugar cookies. So why the heck should I make them??? Well, I'm not.
In other news...Megan rolled over on Monday! She just turned 3 months old last week. I couldn't believe it. Jake and I were decorating the tree...I heard her kind of grunting a little, I turned around and there she was on her tummy like a little turtle! I was totally shocked.
One more little random thought.....West Tracy is full of flies. Oh it's disgusting! I'm looking out the window now and there is no less than 100 flies perched on the side of my neighbors house. Gross! Aren't flies a summertime thing??

A little holiday goodness...

Yum, yum, yum, yum!! Started my hooliday baking today...trying to get in the spirit of things. Made these delicious butter spritz cookies. I finnally used my cookie press mom got me last year...or was it the year before??? Anyway, turned out sooo good. I just about made myself sick eating the cookie dough! Hmmmm what's next....peanut butter fudge maybe? Yep, I'm going to be a fat cow here pretty quick. *sigh*